The Style Invitational Week 871 Change one letter in a movie title

By The Empress

Saturday, May 29, 2010; C02

Taxi Drivel: On the ride in from Dulles to Capitol Hill, the cabbie insists on reciting the entire oeuvre of his poetry.

According to some obsessive Losers Who Know Such Things, we've never done this contest before, hard as it is to believe: Jeff Contompasis suggests this variation on The Style Invitational's Best-Known Contest: Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. You may add a letter, delete a letter, substitute one for another, or transpose two letters in close proximity. The Empress expects to receive a lot of the same titles, so the cleverness of the description is likely to determine what gets ink.

Winner gets, appropriately, a statuette of a naked man, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a T-shirt that rivals even our own Loser T-Shirt for its wha??? factor: It features 29 smiley faces, each topped with a turban depicting the flag of a nation in NATO's International Security Assistance Force, and says "Afghanistan Smiling Faces." They must be the last 29 smiling faces in Afghanistan. Donated by Not Even a Loser Patricia Bartolillo of Bowie, who avows that this is "the oddest T-shirt I've found in a thrift store." Modeled here by Loser Dion Black, who agreed to pose in it at the Losers' recent Flushies award luncheon.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 7. Put "Week 871" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published June 26. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Roy Ashley.

Report from Week 867, in which we had you "breed" two of the inking foal names resulting from the breeding of a list of this year's Triple Crown-eligible horses (or, for the first time, a foal and a "parent"):

The Winner of the Inker

Make Music for Me x Don't Roll Over = IRA Gershwin (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

2. winner of the squashed-duck bathroom mat:

Alcindor x Francis Scott Quay = Tall,Dark'n'Anthem (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

3. Dijon the Baptist x Bravo Whiskey = Salome on Rye (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

4. You're A-Peein' x Excessive Passion = The Whizzer of Id (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Beyer Beware: Honorable Mentions

Biden Time x Liquidity Event = Warm Spit (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

Francis Scott Quay x You're A-Peein' = GallantlyStreaming (Harvey Smith, McLean)

OK Commuter x Boxers and Briefs = MetroOpensDrawers (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring)

Braille Centerfold x Ow Ow Ow = Ouch, the Staple! (John Winant, Arlington)

D' Funnybone x MansLaughter = Locker Room Humer (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Boxers and Briefs x Tiger in Your Tank = Calvins and Hobbes (Jennifer Rubio, Vienna)

Frigid Heir x Lip Styx = Hell Freezes Ova (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)

Braille Centerfold x You're A-Peein' = Touch and Go (Jennifer Rubio)

Medium Rare x Raging Wit = Chew Chew Twain (Mae Scanlan)

Pen & Teller x Giuliani's Dream = Hocus POTUS (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

MississippiBurping x Liquidity Event = Bubba Bath (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Utopian + Kareem of the Crop = Shangri-L.A. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

In de John x Super Saver = Larry Craigslist (Jeremy Levin, Washington)

Dublin x In de John = Irish Setter (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)

Near Miss. x Noah's Dream = Ark. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Near Miss. x In the Paint = La. Tex (Pam Sweeney)

Near Miss. x You're A-Peein' = You're in AL (John Winant)

Tiger in Your Tank x Broke the Trojans = Esso-B! (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Ode to Joystick x Preamble = Wii the People (Christopher Lamora; Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Okay Corral x Super Saver = Buy It Earp (Steve Price, New York)

Chief Counsel x Good Buy, Mr Chips = Lawyer's Poker (Chris Doyle)

Colonel Mustard x Biden Time = Clueless (Harold Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)

Fenway Faithful x Soixante-Neuf = Doubleheader (Chris Doyle)

Unspeakable Filth x Kollege = Dirty Duncing (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

OD to Joy x Joke La Motta = Narc-Narc! (Christopher Lamora)

The Babe's Homer x Jorgensen = Ball Is Outta Here (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Unspeakable Filth x Shiver Me Timbers = Vulgar Boatmen (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Stay Put x Don't Roll Over = Think of England (Dan Kinney, Charlottesville; Bill Vanko, Ellicott City; both First Offenders)

Shiver Me Timbers x Ow Ow Ow = Long John Sliver (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.; Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

You're A-Peein' x Make Music for Me = Urethra Franklin (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Soixante-Neuf x Don't Roll Over = Quatre-Vingt-Seize (Craig Dykstra; Jeff Contompasis)

Susan Be Anthony x Chief Counsel = A Boy Named Sue (Beryl Benderly, Washington)

Next Week: Count the Ways, or Nerdplay